Miss Dot.

Ladies every month we have an unpleasant visit. Who from? Miss Dot. That’s right periods.

I always like (and by like I mean loathe) those articles that have those overly confident women on the cover. No madam, you stop that. Stop looking so happy and wriggling around like your inner egg isn’t committing suicide.
And then they give you tips on what to do when you’re on your period  You know like:

• Yoga or Stretching (as if I want to put my pelvis above my head in my current state.)
• Working out (because being hot and sweaty is at the top of my list.)
• Eating small bits of dark chocolate (and by small bits I mean bags, and by dark chocolate I mean all things sweet.)
• Bubble baths (Yes, sitting in my very own “Lush” bath bomb of cervical lining is my favorite.)

Grossed out? Me too, just kidding it’s a reality.
What I look like:

What I end up doing:

• Lying around (because why would I move when my ovaries feel like they’re about to explode?)
• Shout HAPPY NOT A FATHER’S DAY (although there are many downsides to “Mother Nature’s Monthly Visit” there is this redeeming factor.)
• Eat EVERYTHING (This is self-explanatory.)
• Use my laptop as a heating pad (when you don’t prioritize/not adulty enough to own one you make stuff happen… I’m using it anyways, so I might as well.

I have since written a haiku about menstruation.

Monthly period
How inconvenient you are
Seriously dude?

In reality I wrote this article to make myself laugh. I hope it made you laugh too! Comment your period themed haiku below! I really want to read them.