Customer Etiquette 101

Let’s talk about customer etiquette shall we? Now I know the saying is “The customer is always right.” but that saying should be buried six feet under. Here is a list of pet peeves that you should avoid if you want to be a good customer AND receive great service.

I shall now drudge up an experience from my years of customer service. *transition music*.

Once upon a time my co-worker Sally (that’s not actually her name but just go with it.) was checking in a guest. Procedure was going normal until this man decided he was going to lean over the counter like a fuh-reaking giraffe at Giraffe Manor. Stahp. Stahp doing that. He proceeded to shove his finger over the glass screen cover to point out names as Sally read them out. Mind you the screens are placed INSIDE of the desk. Please for the love of everything in the good wide world- stop leaning over the desk, register, or other service item that is meant to keep you away from my information. It is for me.

Being Late. When I say: “Your appointment is at 8:30 pm EST please arrive 15 minutes early.” I mean it. For every minute you are “late” (yes 8:17pm is considered late in my book) I imagine spritzing your special outfit that took you 78 years to put together in a horrible pungent clam juice. “To be early is to be on time, to be on time is to be late.”. You are a special kind of horrible if I have to courtesy call you after your appointment time.

I. am not. the manager. Do you see a golden fountain pen in my neatly pressed lapel pocket? No? Then I have no power sir. Please stop patronizing me with your horrid jokes like: “If it doesn’t scan it’s free.”, “You can just give it to us for free, right?” and “Can you give me any coupons?”. No, no I can’t because that is what the internet is for. If I could ostentatiously counterfeit coupons I would be down the street at Victoria Secrets and not speaking to you.

Shut your yammering whine hole. There are always times when a business effs up and the customer truly does deserve retribution. This will all be resolved in due time. Your job is to tell me calmly the issue that has befallen your poor first world soul. Then it is my job to assess the way our company can mend the issue through our already established policies. Whining, yelling, and disrespectful banter all around will not give you an advantage (-15 charisma pts). I am a lowly receptionist madam. My name is not on the lease here.

Be a human being. Ask politely. I can guaruntee that 85%+ of the time if you invoke happiness in an employee (like asking them by name how their day has been) then you will be more likely to succeed in gaining what you want. Employees are human beings that probably hate themselves, their jobs, or both. This will probably sway the employee to speak on your behalf to their boss. Occasionaly you will get the sun dried tomato employee who doesn’t give a crap which will force you to go blonde highlight bob lady on them. You know this one. I still suggest prefacing this with your nicest smile and genuine care.

Do you have any customer service horror stories? Comment them down below and don’t forget to like!


2 Comments Add yours

  1. Natasha says:

    Worked at a very nice Italian restaurant as a food server assistant (bus girl/food runner). Man ordered veal parmesean, I bring him veal parmesean shortly after. He proceeds to look in disgust at the plate I brought him saying that he did not order this. Now everyone else at his table has received their food and is satisfied. So I apologize (even though I’m not wrong) and ask him what he ordered and that I would correct it. He says that he didn’t remember and would need to see a menu. So I tell his waiter, I bring the food back to the kitchen, waiter brings him a menu and they spend almost 15 minutes going over each item and what it contains before he decides that he would actually like the veal parmesean because nothing else on the menu is “good.” So frustrating…


    1. Wow that’s super frustrating. You’re a pro for handling it the way you did.


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